Taking Control

I've been in a funk for 2 weeks now. I've been mad, frustrated, depressed and sad. I've eaten so much unhealthy food and drank so much beer. I feel like crap. I probably look like crap and I've gained about 5 pounds. It is time for me to wake up. 

Last night a friend and I went to my favorite little country bar for what they call "Working Women's Wednesday", which translates into $1 beer!! We got a beer and started to unwind from the day, then I got contemplative. I wanted to see Mr. N-S-W, or did I? I felt anxious. I was constantly checking the door to see if he was walking in. He never showed, we left and 8 and I went home and cried. You see, I texted him to see if we could just talk sometime. I'm not really sure why I wanted to, but I needed closure. He actually responded, but just said "no". That was kind of the final chapter in the short book that was our relationship or whatever it was. He was done. I was done. 

The crying turned into one of those ugly cries. I couldn't stop thinking I was alone and would never find love again. Luckily my best friends from the heartland know how to love on me. (I had a package from one yesterday as well, which only enhanced the crying...) I always feel bad because I'm so negative about love and relationships and sometimes even about life. They always know what to say. 

I am finishing up this week being lazy, but it stops there. Next week I'm back in the gym, I'm eating healthy and I'm focused on making myself happy. I am back to not worrying about guys, especially at the bar... I won't be crossing the bar to talk to a guy for quite some time. Next week I will be back on the self-enhancement journey. I'm actually looking forward to getting back in the gym and losing the rest of this weight! 

Work is getting more stressful by the day. The lack of communication is exhausting and so frustrating. People say they will do something and then don't. I feel like I can't do my job correctly without constantly questioning myself or second guessing. I feel like I'm always walking on eggshells and trying to please everyone, which is next to impossible at that place. I've been applying at other jobs and haven't had any luck. I'll just keep working and doing my best until things actually change or I find something different. I can't wait until I can go back to school... 

Plans to see my sweet nephew are in the works. I miss that little boy more than I can say. ❤️ 

Tomorrow is finally Friday again. I can't wait to relax and prepare myself for a new week. I can't wait to start fresh and start working on my goals again.