I've been eating mostly well.. I think I may be more 80/20, but it's better than nothing. It's hard some days to eat the lunch I packed for work. It's hard to not go through the drive thru on my way home from work, but I can tell a difference and I'm starting to feel better.
I've been hitting the gym 3-4 times a week. Not as much as I'd like, but again, it's a start. I'm hoping to increase my gym attendance with the coming weeks. I've forgotten how much I love to lift and to be active. It's still hard to motivate myself to get there some days though. Some days I'd rather get a beer...and sometimes I choose the beer. But I reason with myself and I don't have too many either.
School: I've done nothing on this front and I'm angry about it. My drive to go back comes and goes. My desire to get on things to go back passes by. Most days I can't wait to go back because I know it will get me where I want to be. But then I get scared again. Then I feel lazy...and then I feel stuck. I need to give this more attention and energy...
I hate men. Yes, still. I've taken down my online profiles and haven't missed them really. But I do miss having a guy or two to talk to. I've had a guy from the past try to worm his way back in and I let him for awhile, but I've taken care of that now. Or I guess he did because he disappeared. Again. Which starts the sadness and frustration all over again. I'm working on it... With the removal of men from my life, though, it's allowed more time to think about my ex, Kyle. It's allowed me to long for him more. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm so torn. I obviously don't know how he feels and I'm not sure I ever will, but I keep thinking about if I wasn't in Texas, would we have a chance? Would he want me back? How could things be different? I love Texas and my life here, but I get so lonely. All. The. Time. Most days my heart is in two states. I'm so ready for the next step and so scared it won't ever come for me.
Last Saturday I ran my first 5K in several years. I ran the Race for the Cure. This is something I usually walk with my grandma who is a survivor, but since we couldn't be together I wanted to run in her honor. It was a completely moving experience. I also know two other women who are survivors, one of which is fighting another round, and I ran in their honor, too. I had tears in my eyes the whole time and I ran the WHOLE thing. I was beyond proud of myself and humbled at the experience. I will definitely do it next year.
