I'm out of the dating scene. I'm not even excited about a good looking guy (unless it's Luke Bryan or Cole Swindell of course..) I feel no desire to date or even to talk to a guy at the bar. I think they are all full of shit.
I know it probably seems to others that I spiral into depression over a silly boy. The thing is, though, that's just icing on the cake.
I've been stressed about moving and feeling safe. I've been missing my best friends. I've been hating work. I've been feeling stuck. I've been missing my family. I've been tired and lonely. I want to go back to school but dread adding that to the mix. Add an asshole into that mix and I'm ready to throw in the towel. To top all of that off- my therapist informed me she is moving out of state. I haven't needed her in awhile, but now that I've reached the end of my rope and don't feel like I can handle it on my own, I'm losing her, too. I get to have one last visit tomorrow but then she's giving me a referral. I'm not sure how I feel about starting over with someone new again....
I've been gaining weight back. I've been eating like shit. Yet, I've found a new gym and even bought healthier food options but I can't bring myself to eat the food or get to the gym. I'm in this dark place and I'm aware of it. I'm trying to get out. My body knows I need to do it but my mind just can't get there. I can't shake this and it's scary.
I see my therapist tomorrow. I'm hoping to go to a gym fundraiser on Saturday. I'm hoping to unpack in the new place this weekend. This is going to take some time. Slow baby steps. I'm lucky to have some great people in my life who put up with me while I'm in this phase.
