Detox

As I'm writing this I'm waiting for my NyQuil to kick in... So I must hurry. ;)

Starting tomorrow (April 1st) I will be detoxing. No, I'm not doing a juice detox, I'm doing a life detox. As I mentioned last time, I wasn't committing 100% to working out, I haven't been consistent with eating right, I'm not confident about school and I hate men..... So I'm detoxing. 

First, tomorrow I'm starting a 30 day (and will hopefully continue after that) Paleo/Whole30 lifestyle. I'm going to be doing this 90/10. Most days I will be 100%, but I know I have to allow for a slip up. Plus, there are things that are Paleo that are not Whole30, like dark chocolate. :) 

Second, I'm hitting the gym. Now, like every other time I plan to start a regimen, I've gotten this horrible sinus/allergy crap going on... So I may not hit the gym till Monday, but I WILL start. I haven't been in almost a month and it makes me so mad. I really have no excuse, but I make one up every morning. Yes, I do believe my depression plays a part, but I need to push through and overcome this struggle. 

Third, either later this week or next (depending on how I'm feeling with this sinus crap), I will be going to the college to get things figured out so I can take at least one class this summer and then more come fall. I'm still scared and I still doubt my dedication and ability to follow through, but I know this new job I started is not a forever thing for me. It is not a career and I'm at an age and point in my life where I need to figure out where I'm headed career-wise. My cousin also shared something with me recently that really struck me. She told me that since she was 27, single with nothing promising on the horizon in the relationship aspect that she decided to make her career her main focus. Well, she recently go a new (higher up) job making more money and has met a really great guy. Now, I obviously don't think that just because it worked for her that's how it will work for me, but she had a great point and it was a great outlook to have. Which brings me to my forth and final point of the night since I can start to feel the effects of this NyQuil... 😴😬😂

Forth, tomorrow I will be deleting my online dating profiles. Yes, I have more than one... None of them are bringing anything positive into my life so I'm ridding myself of the unnecessary drama, hurt, confusion and let downs. I will be focusing on ME. Now, I have said this a few times in the past, but this time I plan on sticking to my word. I am the most important person right now and I'm the only person taking care of me, so why not put all my energy into making my life the best it can be RIGHT NOW? (Disclaimer: there will still be times of loneliness, sadness, missing exes, anger, etc...I AM a girl after all, but I know I need to go through with these actions to make any future relationships complete.)

Though I know I write this blog for myself, if I have readers and you want to hold me accountable, please feel free to do so!! It's not always easy going it alone...

Speechless

I know it's been quite awhile since I've written....

For some updates, I left the clinic and now have a new job and plans to finally go back to school...which still scares the hell out of me. I still doubt myself. But, I just finished my first month of training and things seem to be going well. 

I'm getting back into a workout routine, but I still haven't mastered it yet. I need to just completely focus on it and commit 100%. I think I'm still kicking myself for falling off the wagon last time and it's hard to get back. 

I hate men. I can't even get excited about a new prospect anymore. I already know how it will end. I don't even tell people I've met some either. What's the point in getting others excited? Plus, when he does disappear I have to tell everyone that yet another guy doesn't want me. It gets old and it's exhausting. I just want to be wanted and loved. I'm so tired of being alone. 

Oh and yay to all those out there in love and getting engaged or married or pregnant. I'm super happy for you...

I haven't written in awhile mostly because I'm not sure what to even say anymore. Most of the time I just feel like an idiot for thinking I can have it all some day. 

Icing on my awesome cake: still very much in love with my ex...