Last night I had the great pleasure of seeing one of my best friends in Texas. We have been friends almost the whole time I've been here and we've had an interesting relationship. He's been there for me for some of the hardest parts of this past year. We had our moment where I thought there may be a potential dating relationship in the making, but we are better as friends (with some kinds of benefits...) I've never done anything with him I regret. He's very sweet and quite smitten by me. He knows how to make me feel good and always says I'm gorgeous. He's a good guy! :) Despite our attempt at what I thought was dating, we've always been friends first. I know he will come running if I call him.
My friend, let's call him Jack, and I have been talking quite a bit in regards to my most recent dating blunder. I know I can always be completely open and honest with him, no filter. Jack took me to dinner last night and we had a chance to catch up. Halfway through dinner he looks at me, eyes serious, and asks, "so how are you doing?" I'm not really sure how to answer this question these days. To say I'm good kind of feels like a lie. I told him I was dealing with things (boy related and non) and that I will get through it. We then went into detail about what had happened with Mr. N-S-W... It was interesting to have a guys perspective. Jack said Mr. N-S-W may have realized he wasn't as ready as he thought to start dating again. Or that he may have realized I know what I want and he's not sure he can give that to me, now or ever.
These thoughts have crosse my mind, mostly because I'm a very understanding and empathetic person, but mostly because I want to believe he really is a good guy. I want to believe that his last relationship really effected him and he realizes he's not quite ready to take the plunge again, and that it has nothing to do with me... I want to believe I may still have a chance...maybe some day?
I have a very dark heart and I don't always believe there's good in people, but there was something about him. I hate that I can still talk about him this way and still hope for a chance... We are all human.
So thanks to Jack, I'm a little more at ease. A little more at peace... He gave me one of his hard, long hugs and told me id was wonderful and that he's sorry the world is so cruel. He told me he's been worried about me and just wanted to hold me... Thank God for good friends.
Jack is not the only good friend in my life. I've had several friends in the past week with whom I've shared my doubts, fears, insecurities, anger, frustration and tears with. I don't know where I would be without these people. Without good friends, the world is so cold.
Although I often feel alone, I know there are people out there who care immensely for me and would do anything in their power for me... And for that I am eternally grateful. I also hope they know, I would do the same for them.
I love you, dear friends!
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