A new beginning

A month and a half ago I moved from Des Moines, Iowa to San Antonio, Texas. That's right, I packed up (almost) everything I own into my Chevy Cruze and drove away; away from everything I've ever known. I watched the town I grew up in fade away in my rear view mirror and looked out at the horizon. This is the exact moment I'd been waiting for...and I was scared as hell. 

After being in Texas for awhile, the dust has started to settle. I quickly found a job as a receptionist at an ENT clinic which is what I did back home, something familiar. I just signed a lease on an apartment and anxious to be on my own. See, I've been staying with my awesome cousins while I've gotten everything in line. Living alone in a city this size is terrifying... But I'm ready. I've need and wanted to do this for so long, it's finally time. 

I essentially wanted to move away to start fresh, see the world and get out from under the watchful eye of my mother. Deep down, though, I thought moving would make all the bad in my life, all the hurt and anger, just disappear. For awhile it did. I was on this emotional high and life couldn't be better. The wind has stopped and the pieces of my life are coming into focus. I moved my whole life hundreds of miles away, but I'm still me. All the pain I've felt in the past is still in me, it didn't stay in Iowa. 

I love Texas. I feel like this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I just need to focus on myself and figuring out who I am. I need to make myself happy. I left the perfect gym back home, a place I finally felt comfortable and a place I loved to workout, but I can find that here. I feel like in every stage of my life so far I've never been completely happy or satisfied. There's always been certain aspects that were great, but never the whole picture. I want the whole picture. I want to feel happy about who I am. I want to be me.