Clouds set in

I've been a bitch this week. I'm not afraid to admit it. I've ignored texts and calls. I've gone out alone and stayed home from outings. Yes, it's all been on purpose. Yes, I've dealt with yet another asshole. This one was different (as they all seem to be). I can't even go in to detail because I relive the details every single day and I can't force myself to type it out permanently how great he was knowing that it was all for nothing. 

My heart hurts. I hate men. I hate love. I hate romance and I hate him. I've deleted online dating profiles. I've shut down feelings and desires. I feel numb. My heart can't take rejection again. I can't allow myself to get excited and hopeful again. It's exhausting and disappointing. It hurts. 

I've been ignoring everyone because I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to hear the cliche phrases. I don't want to hear "I'm sorry, guys suck". I don't want to listen to any of it. A lot of my best friends are in really great relationships and I'm beyond happy for them, but I haven't wanted to hear about it. I haven't wanted to celebrate their relationship victories. I've been a bitch and a horrible friend. I'm soaking up alone time even though that's something I've become very accustomed to. 

Tomorrow is a new day. The healing will take time. I'm going to focus on my health and moving forward. I will text my friends and share in their love. 

On a completely different note, a week ago today I turned 27. It's crazy and scary to think about. 30 is right around the corner. But, ringing in 27 was pretty great. I got to be with my family. I got to wake up to the two most important guys in my life: my nephew and my dad. I got to experience my dad's first NFL game with him as we went to see the Chiefs vs Texans opening season game in Houston. It was a great game and our Chiefs won. It was definitely my best birthday yet and I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other way. It was a day I will never forget.