The pain and struggle of depression is very real. I've been thinking a lot about my four month downward spirl and weight gain. I had just spent time with one of my best friends who came to visit. When she left, I felt alone again. I just got in this funk and depression reared it's ugly head once again.
I couldn't get myself to the gym. Or the grocery store. I kept putting off getting back into my healthy routine and I practically lived off of drive thru meals...
The struggle is real. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I struggle take a shower. I struggle to get myself to work. I struggle to get to the store for healthy food...and then to prepare it. I struggle to eat the healthy food. I struggle to get myself to the gym. I struggle to get myself out of the house. I struggle...
I have to fight and push myself daily. I have to tell myself that the gym and that salad are worth it, that my life is worth it. Because, to be honest, most days I don't feel like it is. I don't see the purpose. I can't see the worth.
Luckily I have friends and family who show me love on a daily basis and who push me to be the best I can be. But, I am alone. I have very few people close by that I am close with to lean on. Asking for help is something I also struggle to do. I'm very independent and don't want to seem weak.
I've been back in the gym fairly regularly for almost three weeks now. I'm starting to feel a little better in that regard. I've been eating well too and I know it's helping. I just have to keep pressing on. I have to keep pushing past the struggle...
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